The India Chronicles (Day 168)

Well, I guess it's been almost two weeks since the last update. Not a
whole lot has happened other than two major eye flare-ups (now the left
eye is in on the fun) which caused, this is the best part, two half-days
at home instead of at work. It's kind of hard to work when you can't
read any text, be it on a computer screen or on a sheet of paper. There
was no point where the text was clear. Only remedy is lubricate and
bandage the eye and sleep. Darn!

My boss' comment on the first day home "I have heard of some pretty lame
excuses for getting out of work, but Recurring Corneal Erosion
Syndrome???" I said - go look it up! And if his idea of a good time is
lying with both eyes bandaged shut, then hey, more power to him!! We
had a good laugh then I went back to sleep. :-)

Actually the Friday episode was pretty bad. So back I went back to the
eye doctor. Same condition, but now it is affecting the left eye. I
have my US-eye doctor appointment already scheduled when I go home in
less than two weeks so we'll see what they say. Personally I am not
expecting much. In reading on this affliction, not much can be done
other than to treat the symptoms when they arise.

On a much happier note, it is now 11 days to departure! Woohoo! Not
that we're counting or anything! I get on the plane and then at 1:55AM
on Saturday the 16th I leave India for 2.5 weeks. It just so happens
that 10/16 is more or less the 6 month mark of my stay here. Again, not
that we're counting, or anything! :-)

I am gonna kind of segue into an article in today's The Hindu (India's
largest English Language Paper). Main headline - "High on Heels".
Secondary Headline - "Footwear craze is peaking in the city with
Kochiites acknowledging it as vital for an image makeover."

You've GOT to be kidding me. This is exactly why I HATE local news.
Local US news, local news in Cochin, doesn't matter. Some reporters are
a) either desperate or b) this is really a big thing and that would mean
Cochin is like 30 years late. You can decide.

For the record, I haven't seen any high heels here (or low heels for
that matter). Sandals on the other hand are abundant!

Here is the best quote from the article "I buy mostly from Bangalore
because in Kochi, there is no variety and the fashion trends reach us last."

Pick up a copy and read for yourself! I didn't make that up!

The Private buses here are driving me crazy and I don't even use them!
They had that long strike a few months ago because the owners were
complaining that the increased cost of petrol was eroding their profits
and that they needed a fare hike to stop losing money. The funny thing
here is that they are private bus operators but their fares are
stipulated by the government. Go communism! I guess, but I digress. So
after about two weeks of no buses on the road the government agreed to
allow a fare hike and set a period of 40 days or so to study things and
come up with a recommendation. Well the time period came and went and
the fares were hiked some minuscule amount. Well, minuscule to me, but
I guess that if you rely on the buses then the extra 2-5 rupees per trip
might be significant. So I asked the guys at work; now that the bus
fares are going up, how long before the population calls a general
strike to protest the increase? They laughed and said "it was being
planned, probably".

That was months ago (strange to be saying that to you myself, especially
from here), but nothing came of it. Today I read in the paper: "Private
Bus Workers' Stir Tomorrow" Ok, so the private bus operators (the
drivers, the conductors and the ticket checkers (I am not making this
up)) are now pissed that the fares were hiked and they're not seeing one
simple paise (think penny - 100 paise per rupee) out of the deal.
Nevermind that the increase was for the increased cost of petrol....

So a portion of the Private buses will be "shutdown" tomorrow. 1500 of
them to be exact......FIFTEEN-HUNDRED!!! And that's a PORTION of the
buses!!!! HOLY BUS-CRAP!

I guess in the grand scheme of things they have a point. Consider this:
drivers get around Rs270 per day, conductors get Rs190 per day and
ticket checkers get Rs168. They average 12 hour work days 6 days per
week. Take the ticket checkers, that's about Rs4300 per month at 6 days
per week, 52 weeks per year divided by 12. Now look at my housekeeper;
she gets Rs3000 per month for 2-4 hours per day and I can almost bet
that she doesn't even work THAT much (for me, anyway. She also does work
now for the two French families that have moved here and probably gets
Rs3,000 now per flat which now equates to about Rs9,000).

For the record - the Educational Loan repayment program is on track.

So here's my take. They go on strike. It expands since their demands
won't be met and then they will ALL stop running. This will drag out for
a few days, then the operators will agree to a token increase and all
will be ok.

Then the operators will bitch about petrol costs and the rising employee
costs that the government let go unchecked, and that they need a fare
hike to break even. This will be denied and then the operators go on
strike. Eventually the government will step in and allow the increase,
to which the general population will strike (potentially violently) the
outrageous increase in bus fares and how the common man is "taking it in
the shorts".

The process will then repeat. I love violent protest based societies!

Here's another good one. The central government is considering the
levying of a tax, er, license surcharge on all radios and televisions in
the country to "make Prasar Bharathi financially sound". Yup. Every
television and radio would need to be licensed. Yeah right. They can't
stop the people living illegally on public land from stealing
electricity; they're gonna enforce this one?

Since the Cool Resume Comments are generally well received I have made a
point to provide more for you!

This one has got to be my current favorite. And no, they were not
shortlisted.

Duties at current position - Send & Received emails, find out latest
information on Internet.

If anyone can decipher this next one, please e-mail me at slindstr at
mindspring dot com.

Objective - Always think to place an out looking performance towards
entire organization to make user-friendly processing services and
development for wealthy environmental gateway.

Before you accuse me of being culturally insensitive (I know you're
thinking that just because I am American!), I read it 5 times before
giving it to 5 Indians to help with the translation. They had no idea
either!)

Objective - I believe in the power of positive thinking. I look at life
as a challenge and so keep the flame in my heart burning with the urge
to succeed.

That's marketable! Keep looking.....

Now for this next one, I more or less know what is being said, but if
you don't have any idea of the IS industry then it's just plain funny!

Skills: C,C++,JAVA, RDBMS, Data Structures, Oops Concepts

I LOVE IT! Skilled in "oops!" :-)

Oh yeah, I am now informed by my team that the MSCE's (Microsoft
Certified Computer Engineer) and MSCAD's (Microsoft Certified
Application Developer) are basically everywhere and there is no standard
to them. I've been saying that to my IS friends for YEARS, but I
digress. When it comes to take the test? Ask you buddy to take it for
you! Have a question during the test? Ask the guy next to you! Want to
get the certification but don't want to actually go through the boring
process of actually learning anything? Pay an existing certified person
to take the test for you (better hope they didn't do what you're doing).

That pretty much explains why I can't find anyone that knows MS Office.
Usually I would be thrilled with that lack of knowledge, but I can't
throw OpenOffice in front of them either and expect anything to get done!

Here's a good one:

I came to know from reliable sources that there is a vacancy for the
above post in your esteemed organization. I would like to apply for the
same and submit herewith my resume for your kind consideration.

Anyone want to know the "reliable source"??? Anyone??? It was the
frickin' newspaper! Given the recent Dan Rather incident I am not so
sure this is as reliable as we once were led to believe. (Bad political
humor).

The following comment is inserted into the Chronicles to incite
rebellion by my little Belgian-friend stuck in Versailles - "BUSH WINS!
BUSH WINS! BUSH WINS!" Get ready, my friend. ;-)

Here's one that made me throw up!

Software Test Engineer / Quality Assurance Consultant
Microsoft Corporation #150; Redmond, WA (www.msn.com)

AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH - THE ENEMY!!!! I refuse to hire that individual on
the grounds that if hired he would assimilate the entire company and
nothing would ever get done (or less than is currently getting done!)

Here's what education lines look like. See if you can figure this one out.

M.Sc(IS) P.N.C&K.R. College Nagarjuna University 2003 76
BCA V.S.R&N.V.R College Nagarjuna University 2001 61

On a resume for my entry level MS Application Specialist (i.e. data
clerk in disguise)

OBJECTIVE - Seeks a challenging top management assignment with any
leading IT organization.

PROFILE - A Microsoft Certified Solutions Developer and ACT! Certified
Consultant with a total of 12+ years experience in Business Process
Re-Engineering, Enterprise Resource Planning, Integrated Software
Development and Web based solutions.

See above comment on MS guys!

My absentee ballot arrived and I spent a good two hours parading the
thing (not completed) around the office so that people could see what
the Marion country Florida ballot looked like (I've got my hanging chads
in Storage in PA just waiting to be released!!). This generated much
interest and again I got the privilege of explaining how I am voting for
the President but my vote doesn't really count! I love the electoral
college. They now think we don't live in a true democracy. They can't
get over the fact that the founding fathers were so terrified of the
average voter that they refused to give them the power to elect the
president. I find that amusing. It is kinda true now as well. Just
think about how dumb the average American voter is; then realize half of
them are are dumber than that! (kudos to Carlin! And the joke doesn't
work if you use the mathematically correct term of Median in place of
Average).

So I get it in front of this finance guy who doesn't speak much English.
HE ALMOST STARTS FILLING IN THE BUBBLES!! ON THE WRONG CANDIDATE!!!!!
ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disaster was averted. No ballots were harmed in the generation of this
message.

I have said it before and I'll say it again. I MISS my US travel agent
at work. I had a trip in the works to France for this week. It was
canceled due to more numerous reasons than I care to waste space here
describing. Anyway, before it was canceled I was 100% positive that
regardless of the French visa applications by two of my employees, that
I was going anyway. Here is the conversation to the travel agent to
book the tickets.

Me - "Ticket my Oct-4 France Itinerary. My ticket only"
Travel Agent - "huh?"
Me - "Purchase my ticket" Speaking more slowly.
Travel Agent - "huh?"
Me - "Buy my ticket to France"
Travel Agent - "I don't get you"
Me - "Paris. 4th. October. My trip. Buy. Ticket."
Travel Agent - "I still don't get you"
Me - "You know my trip to Paris on Oct 4?"
Travel Agent "Ah" <--- Head Bob
Me - "Buy the ticket"
Travel Agent just stares at me
Me - "Ticket to Paris. Me. Delta Airlines. Oct 4th. Buy the ticket"
Travel Agent - "what?"

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Then the thing was canceled so it didn't matter anyway!

Chris - wherever you are, I miss you!!!! Lunch on the 28th is on me!

I guess that's it for today.

More information as I find it worthy of "The Chronicles".